Wity Beyond Measure

hipsterinatardis:

Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you’re in.

(via selfish-cunts)

recreationalcannibalism:

the-adequate-gatsby:

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.” 

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.

(via selfish-cunts)

thethroneofasgard:

One time I was with my family, I dropped my plate of food and I said ‘Goddamnit’ then my mom was like “you can’t say that” so I said “Fine. Satan bless it.” Everyone turned to look at me after I said. I forgot I was in church.

(via selfish-cunts)